Acceptance. Affirmation. Protection. Affection. Appreciation. Cherishing. Delight. Devotion. Emotion. Enjoyment. Fondness. Friendship. Passion. Respect. Tenderness. Yearning.
Call it all Love. Call it the greatest need of your heart -- to give it, and to receive it.
Call it giving more than we expect to receive in return, seeing beyond ourselves, putting someone else's need before our own.
Imagine what it would be like to receive a love like that. Have you? Ever?
From another human? Probably not often. And if we're honest with ourselves, we haven't given that kind of love either. We see someone who seems like they could give us attention, significance, or pleasure of some kind ... and we give to get. And oh, the passion with which we protect and milk our chosen source of fullfillment !! But it's not because we truly love the other person, is it?
Eventually it fails: our spouse, lover, friend, parent, employer, brother, or sister gives something less than was needed, or we give them less. Then comes the frightened, selfish response. And then the ugliness starts. Finally we feel alone, longing for a love that will never be selfish, impatient, unkind, envious, flighty, rude, easily angered -- and one that will never keep a list of our offenses.
That's certainly how it was for me. For ten years, I attached myself to person after person. My heart, my eyes, my imagination promised the world to me on their behalf. Heartache after heartache, I settled for less and less. From the world, to an ocean, to a river, to a stream, to a leaky faucet ... with plenty of stops by cesspools and sewers, my expectations and standards went lower and lower, as the loneliness grew louder and louder, and the thirst became more and more urgent.
Almost ready. But maybe we still long for that little god we created in our heads that we defined as love. You know what they say: if you're gonna dream, dream big. Maybe we dream of giving or getting the ultimate orgasm, a sexy body to have our way with, an emotional or romantic ideal to partner with, or some person who makes us feel safe, a big soft doormat to hover underneath our life's reckless gymnastic plans. What kind of love is that?
One of my favorite lyrics ever: "you would walk on your lips on broken glass if you could get next to that. And you think this is love ..." - Don Henley
Burn it. Let it go. Walk away and don't look back.You don't need it. You won't ever be needing it again, either. In fact, you won't ever want it again.
That's right, get ready - your long time ideal (dare I say idol?) is about to become entirely disappointing.
Ready? Set? Go. Imagine your ideal in your hands. Lift it up in the air and tell God about the times your ideal has let you down:
- the empty feeling after the orgasm,
- or your inability to give or get one,
- the sexy body that rejected or disappointed you,
- the romantic ideal that suddenly became a romantic klutz,
- or just kept floating in the clouds while you crashed down to earth,
- the source of security that wasn't soft enough for that hard landing,
- or waited for the right moment and pulled the mat out from underneath you.
Tell God he can have it in exchange for his unfailing love. Tell Him you want a love that is greater, higher, and truer than human love. Ask Him to show that love to the deepest places in your heart, the parts of your heart that still haven't found what they're looking for.
Been there, done that? Repeat as needed.
Stop at a gas station, ask for directions, and buy a map. If you don't know God like this, find someone who does and ask them to pray with you about this. You can find God's people in lots of different churches, all over the world, but here are two websites to help you quickly find someone who can and gladly will pray with you about this topic:
http://www.vineyardusa.org/churches/church_search.aspx
http://www.desertstream.org/find.htm
I want you to what? No, seriously. I want YOU to call or email the friendly and professional person that you find in your area on one of those two websites, and tell them you want to meet with them so they can pray with you about receiving God's unfailing love. Yo! That meeting will cost nothing and can be as short as you want! If you want it to be 5 minutes, tell them you want it to be a 5 minute meeting. They'll respect that. They'll be willing to provide as much or as little as you're ready for, and you can take it or leave it. I promise.
If you live in Houston and if you really want to meet with me for some reason about this (don’t know why you would), well then OK, but I like adventures so it’s going to be kind of an adventure finding me. You like adventures, don’t you? Here’s what you do. Go to the Houston Vineyard some Sunday morning. Find David Gausepohl, his last name is prounounced like “Gospel.” I swear it’s true. Anyway tell David you want to meet up with Tom Heard to pray about God’s Unfailing Love. David’s not going to know you from Adam and whether God sent you to help me or what. At this point you should know you’re surrounded by a couple hundred people who could pray with you at least as well as I could. Trust your instincts. Maybe one of them should pray with you. If (God help you) you still want to meet with me, David will help you find me. All cloak and dagger like. Just remember, I'm not on the website. I'm just some Joe in Xangaland. What are you thinking? But whoever you get to pray with you ...
C'mon. I dare you. I double dare you.
*Hey, who died and made me such an authority on all this?? LOL, OK. Thanks to Jesus, Andy Comiskey, Don Henley, and U2 for helping me to express this, but above all thanks to Jesus ... Jesus, the one who gave his life just to rescue me from the sleazy (and deadly) 'hood of the enemy and introduce me to love and life in my Father's kingdom. I can only pass on what I've received ...
Coming up next: meet the real you. It's been a long time, but I think you'll recognize your true self -- who knows, you'll probably even like yourself !!
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