November 21, 2008
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Marriage and Sacrifice - processing likes and dislikes
A friend of mine asked a question about processing the likes and dislikes between them and their significant other in a pre marriage relationship. I like to suggest processing those in light of the possibility of a marriage relationship. I found it to be a very thought provoking question and decided to post my answer here.
Here are some things to keep in mind. First, I think one must face every attribute of the other that one does not like, and consider that the other is under no obligation to change even one of these things. One could be "stuck with" every one of those attributes for the rest of one's life, and one is making a commitment to LOVE the other despite every one of the attributes.
Secondly, one must keep in mind that by the time one has been married to the other for, say, 15 years, the other will probably mostly not even be the same person any more. The other might lose many of the traits one likes, and pick up many new ones one does not.
With those two things in mind, I offer the following: one can only enter into such a relationship fully prepared to sacrifice deeply, and often, and to love unconditionally for life. I have found such a life long commitment to unconditional love to be the most defining and pronounced growth and maturing element in my christian walk. I believe God has used this relationship to make me twice the man I would be without it.
The good news: experiencing this commitment in each other, as it flies in the face of selfish culture's values, increasing in value with every hardship and sacrifice, has brought a greater joy than we could ever have imagined when we started out.
One more piece of good news: it seems that, after 15 years, one can become quite endeared to some of the very attributes in the other that one found most annoying at the beginning. Sometimes one must simply experience some of the other's attributes over time, to appreciate their amazing long term value.
Comments (1)
You are very right Tom, Rusty and I have been married over 35-years...we are complete opposites, and yet together our strengths and weaknesses compliment each other...that is totally amazing!
One of the teenagers in church was sending out an e-mail to find out what their friends (and the teenager considered me a friend) were looking for in a suitable mate - there were things like nice hair, good physique, nice car, lots of money, etc - I wrote all of them back and told them that they had better be looking for something other than physical, because I know for a fact...all those things change with time!
They also had a question of "how far will you go with a boy?" I placed my answer as "I WILL GO ONE BLOCK!" The girls got a real kick out of my answers!