February 27, 2007

• Two Dream Segments

  (Warning, the dream segment in paragraph 3 and 4 gets very graphic and violent).

   

  Had two dream segments last night where my old self seemed to encounter my new self and discover how they were at odds. In the dream I belonged to some kind of community, kind of like a tight church, but I don’t think it was a church. Everyone in the dream was part of this community. Kind of a cult of sorts, I think. Cult in the City? J

   

  In the first dream segment I was at my grandmother’s old house in Houston. (That house doesn’t exist any more). A young woman showed up, an acquaintance, but not a close friend, and we talked for a minute, and I could tell she liked me. Our faces ended up close together. She seemed surprised but happy we were so close and she moved in for a kiss, and without thinking I moved in for the kiss too, but the moment our lips touched, I stopped responding. I thought, “I can’t do this, I’m married.” After a few seconds she recognized I wasn’t responding (!) and drew back a little puzzled, and I think I said, “I can’t do this, I’m married.” Strangely she received, but didn’t seem upset about, the rejected kiss, she smiled as if to say “that’s OK.” Then the scene changed.

   

  In another segment of the dream, I saw a man who represented a tyrannical leader of this community being tyrannical to one of the members of the community. There was no physical abuse or verbal abuse, but situational controls of some kind were being applied to coerce him to do some thing(s) he didn’t want to do, that represented an unfair burden of some kind. I remember I felt really bad for the man who was being mistreated. I could tell he was being pushed to his breaking point. And then he broke. He took a milk jug with the top cut off, took it by the handle, and scooped up a jug full of standing rain water from a dip in the cement, and threw the water toward the tyrannical leader (who was walking away with his posse), and some of the water hit the tyrannical leader in the back. The tyrannical leader turned around in surprise and all his posse said “ooh.” I took this as a sign the guy was going to need help. So before anybody sprang into action I started walking toward the leader and his posse all confident and said something about how I was with the guy too.

   

  Well they seemed a little surprised but seemed to be pre-organized for this type of thing and one tall guy (a member of the posse?) kind of squared off with me. Somebody said “he’s going to fight you” as if to warn me to get out while I could but I said “I’ll fight him if he wants.” He moved up to this urban ledge and I went up there too and then he went at me. I grabbed him somehow and after a few seconds struggle I shifted his weight around to where I threw him off the ledge. He landed head first and I thought he was out but he came up for more staggering a little. I jumped down and grabbed him by the hair and head and started banging his head against the concrete as hard as a I could. I stopped for a moment but he started to try to fight again so I did it again. And now all this fluid was rushing out of his head and his mouth. Then I stopped and looked at him and he indicated some kind of “I give up” thing and so I stopped. Some more fluid rushed out of his mouth. As I stared at this I “came to my senses” (off the adrenaline fight rush) started saying “oh my god, oh my god” and took his head in my arms and I just started weeping in remorse for having so violently attacked him, weeping in remorse for how I had been banging his head against the concrete as if I didn’t care if he died or not. I think he said something like “it’s OK I understand.” And he seemed to be OK despite his 18 concussions.

   

  What in the world??

   

  • 10:02 am
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